Pain Is Love
by Virtual Sweetie
Summary: Tristan never really knew what real love felt like... until Rory came along.
1. Prologue

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Pain Is Love

Pairing: Tristan & Rory.

Disclaimer: Nope, don't own any of them. The characters belong to Dorothy Parker Drank Here Productions and Hofflund/Polone in association with Warner Bros. Television.

Feedback: Please!!

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Prologue

Present time, 9:04 pm

She didn't know what she was doing there.

The drive seemed to drag on more than usual, and the minute she arrived at her destination, her reasons for coming vanished. All through the drive, she rehearsed what she was going to say when she saw him. She imagined the different scenarios that might encounter. She thought of the insults she could hurl back at him. But the moment Rory Gilmore parked the jeep, everything flew out of her head.

Rory killed the engine, but made no effort to get out. She took a slow, deep breath, as she remembered the day's events, a tear slipping down her cheek. She remembered the hurt, the pain and the confusion she'd been feeling ever since he returned. And then it all came back. The reason she was there.

Rory needed to confront him. She needed to know why he said the things he did. She needed to know why her life had been an emotional roller coaster since the day he stepped back into her life. She needed to know why she felt an inexplicable urge to be near him. Taking another deep breath, Rory opened the door to the jeep, and stepped out.

"Great," she muttered, as she was immediately drenched from the pouring rain. She quickly closed the door to the jeep, and ran up the steps to his house. She took a moment to calm herself down, before pressing the doorbell.

No answer.

Rory pressed the doorbell again.

"Please be home, please be home," she whispered over and over. Rory breathed a sigh of relief, as she heard the sound of footsteps walking closer and closer to the door.

The door flew open, and he stood there, his mouth forming an 'o' in surprise.

Rory looked up to meet his eyes, and for a moment, she saw a flash of concern, as he looked at the wet mess she was. She bit her lip as a small smile started to form on her face. However, everything Rory was feeling was dashed after she heard the cold tone in his voice.

"What are you doing here?" Tristan asked in a resigned voice.

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Ooh, some suspense! Well, my pathetic attempt at it. Just to let you know, I'll try to update this story soon, but seeing as I'm going to be writing diplomas all week, I probably won't have time to update the story until next weekend.


	2. Journey to the Past

Pairing: Tristan & Rory.

Disclaimer: Nope, don't own any of them. The characters belong to Dorothy Parker Drank Here Productions and Hofflund/Polone in association with Warner Bros. Television. Some of the dialogue used in this chapter is from "_Love, Daisies and Troubadours"_ and "_Run Away, Little Boy_".

Feedback: Please!!

Author's Note: So well all know what happens in "_Love, Daisies and Troubadours"_ and "_Run Away, Little Boy_". I needed to use those scenes for a starting point. But I also shortened them a little. And yes, I did use part of a previous fic I wrote. I don't intend on adding to that fic, so it pretty much fits in this chapter.

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Chapter One - Journey to the Past

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Last day of school, sophomore year

Tristan looked down at his watch. One minute until the bell rang, and Chilton let out for the summer. One minute until Tristan knew if his year of pining after Rory was a success or failure.

The moment he saw her, Tristan knew that Rory was different. She was like a breath of fresh air, and something inside of him changed. For the first time, he felt genuine feelings for a girl. Before Rory came into his life... Tristan never knew how powerful his feelings for a girl could be. Before Rory, girls were expendable to Tristan. He'd flirt with them, seduce them, then brush them off once he got bored. Even Summer. His feelings for her were all superficial, mostly for Rory's benefit. He wanted to show her that he was capable of being in a "long-term" relationship. But it failed. Tristan's feelings for Rory only grew. And after the kiss they shared on the piano bench that fateful night... Tristan could see himself falling in love with someone, for the first time in his life.

Tristan's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the bell. He looked up, and like clockwork, students began exiting their classrooms. Excited chatter filled the air, as Tristan leaned back against the wall, waiting for Rory to come out. At last he spotted her small frame walk out in front of him.

"So I'm a little tired of this game," Tristan said. Rory stopped for a second, then started walking away. Tristan followed.

"What game?" she asked, as she kept on walking. Tristan walked in front of Rory, cutting off her path.

"The concert's tonight," Tristan stated. He was starting to get irritated. This was the first time he asked Rory out. And it was the first time a girl turned him down. He knew he was about to resort to third grade tactics, but at this point, what did he have to lose? Tristan grabbed Rory's books from her grasp.

"What are you doing?" she asked, in an exasperated tone.

"You'll get them back when you agree to go with me," he replied. God, he even sounded like a third grader. But honestly, Tristan didn't know what to do. Rory Gilmore was an absolute puzzle to him.

"You're pathetic Tristan. Keep the books. I'm leaving," Rory said, before changing directions and walking away. Tristan went to catch up with her, when he stopped short. Dean was standing a mere ten feet away from them.

"Dean!" Rory called out. Tristan watched in disappointment as she caught up with him. He couldn't hear what they were saying, but a small smile crept up his face as he saw Dean glare at him. Then it all fell apart for Tristan.

"He's not my boyfriend. I hate him," Rory stated. Tristan's mouth opened, then closed. He wanted to say something, but nothing came out. Tristan never knew that Rory felt that strongly about him, that she hated him so much. Tristan looked on in disgust as Dean practically devoured Rory with his mouth. He softly placed Rory's books down on the cold cement, and walked back inside Chilton.

Tristan walked down a long hallway, frustration building up inside his body, until he couldn't stand it anymore. He pounded his fist hard into the nearest locker. His body was so numb from what just happened, that he didn't even feel any pain.

"Hey man, you okay?" a voice from behind Tristan called out. Tristan turned around to find Terrence Bowman and Joseph Duncan standing there. They were two troublemakers that Tristan had known since grade school. They'd even been good friends when they were younger, before Tristan had discovered the world of girls.

"Yeah," Tristan said, shaking his fist. The pain was starting to come back to him. Except the pain was coming from his heart, instead of his hand. Duncan cleared his throat.

"Look, I know we haven't chilled in awhile, but we were just headed to Bowman's house to get loaded... Then maybe we'll do a little clubbing. You wanna come with?" Duncan asked. Tristan thought for a moment. On one hand, he could go home and sit alone in the dark, reminiscing about the pain Rory was causing him. On the other hand, he could get drunk and meet some new girls. Girls that would be willing to help him forget about Rory. Tristan nodded.

"My car or yours?" he asked, before walking down the hall with the two other guys.

He wasn't really in the mood to party, but Tristan just wanted to forget. He wanted to forget badly.

***

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End of November, junior year

The summer months blew by, and soon Tristan found himself back at Chilton. He'd been spending more and more time with Duncan and Bowman, getting into trouble by pulling stupid pranks, but Tristan didn't care. Nothing mattered to him more than forgetting.

No matter how hard Tristan tried, he never forgot his one moment of weakness. The moment all his hopes were dashed when Rory claimed to hate him. Other girls had come and gone, but Tristan never got over the fact that she hated him. When junior year started, he found himself distancing himself away from Rory. No more of their daily sparing matches, no more calling her Mary. He tried to think that she was just a girl he passed by in the halls. But deep down, Tristan knew she was still much more. She was unforgettable, and in a way, he hated her for that. 

He knew that he needed to get over Rory, but the closure never came. Not until Professor Anderson forgot to include him in a group during his latest suspension. Tristan had scanned the list for any possible groups, and when he saw the name Rory Gilmore, Tristan jumped at the chance to be in that group. It was time to end his feelings for Rory once and for all.

But then the incident with Bowman's dad's safe... It was stupid. Plain and simple. Tristan knew that it was stupid to try and break into it, but he didn't say anything. And then it was too late. But in a way, Tristan knew that he'd get his closure with Rory.

But as he stood there, facing Rory in her Juliet costume... Tristan found it harder and harder to say goodbye.

"Tristan." His voice was abrupt. Tristan broke his gaze from Rory for a second, and turned around. His father was waiting at the end of the hall. It was the moment that Tristan had been dreading, ever since his father gave him five minutes to explain to Rory, Paris, Madeline and Louise why he couldn't be a part of their group anymore. "Come on," he said, in a grave voice. Tristan swallowed hard, as it finally began to sink in. It was time to say goodbye to Rory. He took a deep breath, as he thought of how he would say goodbye to her.

"I gotta go," Tristan finally said. A lump rose to his throat, as he searched for the perfect words. Tristan gazed intently at Rory, memorizing every feature of her face. Her beautiful blue eyes, which now stared back at him with a look of a mixture of hope, regret, and even sadness. Her cute little nose. Her lips. He wanted to kiss her so badly. He had never felt more alive than when he kissed Rory at Madeline's party.

Tristan's eyes were still focused on her lips, but he slowly broke his gaze away. He stared off to the side, where he saw Dean intensely gazing at them. Their eyes met, as Tristan's feelings of hatred for him began to rise.

"So I might kiss you goodbye... But uh, your boyfriend is watching," Tristan said in a resigned voice. There. He made the decision not to kiss Rory, because as much as he hated it, Dean made her happy. And all Tristan ever wanted was for Rory to be happy. He sighed, as he decided that now was the time to say his final goodbye.

"Take care of yourself... Mary," he said quietly, before turning around, and walking away. He didn't know if he'd ever be able to get over Rory, despite the fact that she was never really his to love. He was already regretting the fact that he didn't kiss her, but Tristan knew that it was time to start over.

Tristan's father stood at the doorway, waiting for him, waiting to lead Tristan to his new life. Before walking out the door, Tristan turned around, and caught one last glimpse of Rory. Like the first day he saw her, she was absolutely beautiful. Tristan finally understood that no matter how hard he tried, he'd never be able to forget her.

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Yeah, so that chapter kinda sucked. So why did I write it? Two reasons. First, I needed to explore Tristan's feelings a bit more. Second, I needed this chapter to build up the reason Rory's at Tristan's house. You'll see in the following chapters...


	3. Alive

Pairing: Tristan & Rory.

Disclaimer: Nope, don't own any of them. The characters belong to Dorothy Parker Drank Here Productions and Hofflund/Polone in association with Warner Bros. Television.

Feedback: Please!!

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Chapter Two - Alive

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Present time, 9:10 pm

"What are you doing here?" Tristan asked in a resigned voice. Rory looked into Tristan's eyes. They were so full of life. They were full of something she wanted to feel.

"I don't know," Rory whispered, before reaching out and pulling Tristan towards her.

Tristan's mouth opened in surprise, but no words came out. He looked at Rory, his eyes questioning what she was thinking. But instead, he found himself staring into cold, icy blue eyes, ones that didn't belong to the Rory he knew. Before he could say anything, Rory pulled Tristan into a kiss. It took him a moment before he reacted, and began to kiss Rory back.

His arms found their way around Rory's small waist, and his hands rested on the small of her back. He heard her let out a deep sigh, as he deepened the kiss. Rory's hands tugged at the bottom of Tristan's shirt, as the sense of urgency for him to be even closer to her grew. Tristan responded back, wrapping his arms even tighter around Rory.

Slowly Tristan began to pull away, regretfully ending what could be said was the best kiss he'd ever experienced. Breathless, he rested his forehead on hers, as his eyes probed into hers again. This time, the warmth in her eyes was back. The cold, empty stare was gone. Her eyes looked alive.

"What are you doing here?" Tristan repeated, only this time his voice was softer.

Rory broke away from Tristan's gaze, and wriggled away from Tristan's tight grip. She walked inside Tristan's house, and through the foyer into the family room. She walked towards the window, and looked out.

"Dean broke up with me," she said softly.

"Why?" Tristan wondered aloud. He knew that if had Rory, he'd never break up with her - twice. Rory slowly turned around to face Tristan.

"Because of you," she replied.

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So what did Tristan do to cause the break up of Rory and Dean? And sorry for the shortness of this chapter. I promise the next ones will be longer!


	4. Some Things Never Change

Pairing: Tristan & Rory.

Disclaimer: Nope, don't own any of them. The characters belong to Dorothy Parker Drank Here Productions and Hofflund/Polone in association with Warner Bros. Television.

Feedback: Please!!

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Chapter Three - Some Things Never Change

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Three weeks ago...

Tristan let out a short bitter laugh as he surveyed the scene in front of him. No more than a mere two hours since he stepped out of the plane in Hartford, had he been thrust upon the same old social scene.

Vanessa Pennington's seventeenth birthday party. One of those obligatory Chilton birthday parties. His parents insisted that he went, since the Penningtons were 'dear, old' friends of his father's. But Tristan didn't mind as much. He knew that she'd be there.

Rory. He hadn't thought of her for what seemed like an eternity. But the moment he boarded the plane, his mind was bombarded with memories of his crush on her. He remembered her ear, he remembered their kiss on the piano bench, he remembered everything. So when the opportunity knocked, he took it. He had to see her. Tristan needed to prove to himself once and for all that he was over Rory Gilmore.

"Well if it isn't our long lost Romeo," a sultry voice behind Tristan said. He turned around to find Louise, Madeline and Paris standing behind him. Louise and Madeline both flashed him smiles, while Paris had her usual irritated look.

"Romeo's a little late. Nine months to be exact," Paris snapped. Tristan chuckled. He knew a girl like Paris would never forget.

"My apologies," he said smoothly. "Maybe I could make it up to you three ladies by saving you all a dance?" Tristan asked, wiggling his eyebrows. Madeline and Louise giggled, while Paris grew even more irritated. She narrowed her eyes at Tristan, and opened her mouth. Before she could say anything, Tristan grabbed her arm and dragged her towards the dance floor. 

"Gellar, you're first," Tristan said. He drowned out the sounds of her protests, as they made their way towards the center of the dance floor. A slow song started to play, and Tristan pulled a reluctant Paris towards him, as he continued to scan the room for Rory.

About a minute into the song, Paris spoke up.

"She's not here," she said softly, her head still rested on Tristan's shoulder. Tristan's head snapped up.

"Who?" he asked, trying to keep his cool.

"You know who I'm talking about," was Paris' response.

"So where is she?" Tristan asked, a minute later.

"Visiting her father," Paris replied.

Another long moment of silence passed between them before Paris spoke up again.

"Ever since you left, she's changed," she said softly. This threw Tristan for a loop.

"Changed how?" he wondered aloud. He felt Paris tense up in his arms, as she hesitated for a moment before answering his question.

"She's... Well Rory's just been..." she began.

"C'mon Gellar. Quit stalling. We go way back. You could tell me anything," Tristan prompted.

"Did it ever occur to you that you might not want to hear what I have to say?" Paris snapped. Tristan sighed.

"It was nothing more than a mere crush," Tristan said. "I'm over it."

"She's been happy around Chilton," Paris blurted out. "She's come out of her shell, made some new friends... She doesn't need you making her life a living hell at school again."

"Oh," was all Tristan managed to say. No matter how many times he told himself that he was over Rory, the pain was still there. He tried to regroup himself. "I wasn't the only one making her life a living hell," Tristan reminded Paris. Paris looked down at their feet, ashamed.

"Things are different now," she said. "We have a lot in common. The only thing standing between us other than grades was," she paused for a moment. "You."

"So she's really happy now?" Tristan asked, letting his guard down for a moment. Paris nodded.

"Look, we all knew you had a thing for Rory, but everyone thought you just wanted to bed her. I'm the only one who knows," Paris replied. Tristan was confused.

"The only one that knows what?" he asked.

"That you fell in love with her," Paris whispered, before stepping away from Tristan. "Thank you for the dance," she said, before walking away.

Tristan stood stunned in the middle of the crowded dance floor. Here he was, surrounded by people, yet he'd never felt more alone in his life.

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Yup, Tristan's finally back in Hartford. Sorry for the lack of Troryness in this chapter, but they shall meet up again in the next chapter...


	5. Expect the Unexpected

Pairing: Tristan & Rory.

Disclaimer: Nope, don't own any of them. The characters belong to Dorothy Parker Drank Here Productions and Hofflund/Polone in association with Warner Bros. Television.

Feedback: Please!!

Author's Note: Sorry for the long delay. It's been a very, very bad case of writers block. I had to break out the Trory tape this weekend in order to get over it.

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Chapter Four - Expect the Unexpected

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Still three weeks ago...

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Rory plastered a fake smile onto her face, as she entered the main foyer of the Pennington mansion. She had arrived in Hartford a few hours ago from her father's, earlier than expected, and at her grandmother's prodding, Rory decided to attend yet another one of the obligatory Chilton birthday parties. She barely knew Vanessa, but Rory wasn't in the mood to argue against her grandmother.

The main foyer was filled with many familiar faces whom Rory recognized from the hallways in Chilton. Rory waved to a few friends, as she made her way towards the punch bowl. She was already beginning to feel stuffy, after a mere ten minutes at the party. 

Rory's ears began to perk as she poured herself a drink. The general buzz among the crowd was that something exciting had already happened.

"Isn't he just so hot?" one girl excitedly asked her friend.

"Yeah, totally!" the other girl exclaimed.

"So what's the deal? How come he's here?" the first girl asked her friend. The second girl shrugged.

Rory rolled her eyes and smiled. The gossip mill was really working overtime, all over one guy. However, Rory began to scan the room, as her curiosity got the best of her. Even though she was still with Dean, what's the harm in looking?

"Who knows?" the girl responded. "All I know is that Tristan DuGrey is back, and that he's definitely here to stay."

Rory's eyes widened as she froze, and almost dropped her glass of punch. Tristan's back? Since when? How? Questions began to plague Rory's mind, as her eyes continued to roam around the room, looking for her former tormentor. Although they had parted on seemingly good terms, Rory couldn't help but wonder if he'd re-ignite the mind games and sexual innuendoes once school began.

"I take it you heard Tristan's back," asked a voice behind Rory.

Rory turned around to find Paris take a tentative step towards Rory. Rory slowly nodded.

"Did things really change that much when I was at my dad's?" she asked Paris. Paris shook her head.

"He just got back today. And I happen to know that he's standing alone on the terrace..." Paris replied, her voice trailing off. Rory's mind began to wander as Paris spoke. "If you wanted to talk to him. I know you two probably have your issues to work out," Paris finished hastily. Rory found herself nodding, even though she hadn't been paying attention to what Paris was saying.

Her mind had begun to flash back to their sophomore year. She was remembering it all now, as the initial shock began to wear off. Her first day at Chilton. Her first Chilton formal. Tristan staring at her ear. The innocent kiss they shared at Madeline's party. PJ Harvey. Romeo and Juliet. Tristan saying goodbye. His last lingering look, full of both regret and sadness... It was getting too much for Rory to bear.

She snapped back to reality, where the room seemed to be getting hotter and hotter by the second. Rory looked at Paris, who in turn was giving her a quizzical look.

"Did you even hear what I just said?" Paris asked, her voice full of concern.

"I have to get some air," Rory blurted out, before dashing off.

"Rory!" she heard Paris call out. Rory ignored her, and continued on her way. She needed to get some fresh air before she passed out.

***

Tristan let out a sigh as she leaned against the railing of the balcony. This wasn't exactly what he called a good time. After Paris left him standing alone in the middle of the dance floor, he needed someplace to think. But after dodging girl after girl who wanted to "welcome him back", he finally found some solace on the terrace that adjoined the solarium. There was a time when Tristan would've loved all the attention, all the girls throwing themselves at him. But all that changed the moment Rory Gilmore stepped into his life.

"Why can't I get over you?" Tristan let out another sigh, this one full of frustration, as he stared at the moonlit sky. He was weak. The moment Paris mentioned Rory's name, the resolve he thought he made was gone. The willingness to see her to prove to himself once and for all that he was over her left his body as easily as it came. He knew it was a charade all along. He just desperately wanted to believe it himself.

He heard a set of footsteps behind him, and braced himself. He would have to dodge another girl before finding another place of solace. Tristan whipped around, and found himself staring across the spacious terrace into the most beautiful eyes he'd ever seen.

"Mary," Tristan said simply.

***

She was shocked to see him. But then it all came back to her. Paris had mentioned something about how Tristan was all alone on the terrace.

"I see you still haven't remembered my name," Rory said dryly. She took a step closer to him, still not quite believing that he was back. Tristan let out a soft laugh.

"Of course I remember... Rory," he said softly. Rory took another step, ignoring the butterflies that formed in the pit of her stomach. An awkward silence formed between them, as Tristan leaned back against the railing, taking the sight of her in.

"So you're back from military school, huh?" Rory asked. She knew it was a lame question, but she needed something to break the silence between them. She walked to the railing beside Tristan, and looked at the view of the swimming pool it provided.

"Obviously," Tristan replied, with his trademark smirk. Rory groaned.

"And yet you haven't changed a bit," she responded, rolling her eyes. "So what? Did they get tired of you and your sarcastic comments in North Carolina?"

"Not quite," Tristan said, as he turned to face Rory. "It's tradition that a DuGrey graduates from Chilton," he explained. "So I'm back."

"Yes you are," Rory murmured to herself. Another awkward silence plagued them.

"Paris said you were visiting your dad," Tristan said, breaking the momentary silence.

"I just got back a few hours ago," Rory explained. They fell into another lapse of silence. Rory eyed Tristan curiously, as she studied his profile. His appearance hadn't changed one bit. He still had the same tousled blonde hair, the same smirk. But something was off about him. Rory could sense it.

"If you're worried that I'm going to make Chilton hell for you again, don't worry, I won't," Tristan suddenly said.

"Yeah, and I'm the Queen of England," Rory replied sarcastically. She had almost missed this. Their banter. It was much more comforting than those awkward silences.

"Well your Highness, I mean it," Tristan said. The tone of his voice sounded serious. 

"Okay, what happened to the real Tristan DuGrey? Who is this imposter?" Rory asked, mockingly pointing an accusatory finger at Tristan. Tristan shrugged.

"I've changed... And from what I've heard, so have you," Tristan replied. Rory shot him a quizzical look. "Paris filled me in," he said, answering the questioning look in her eyes. "And Rory..." Tristan's voice trailed off. "I just want you to be happy."

"Are you sure there wasn't anything in the water in North Carolina? Have you been having any hallucinations?" Rory asked, skeptically. Tristan shook his head.

"I just think we should start over again. Forget everything that happened before," he suggested. Rory bit her lip, as she contemplated the idea. Considering their history, a fresh start would be nice. A small smile began to form on her lips, as Tristan extended a hand.

"I don't believe we've met before. I'm Tristan DuGrey," Tristan said. Rory offered her hand, but instead of shaking it, Tristan brought it to his lips.

"Rory Gilmore," Rory replied, as she felt a blush creep up her cheeks when Tristan's soft lips brushed against her fingers.

"Rory, huh?" Tristan asked, a mischievous glint in his eyes. "Has anyone ever told you that you look more like a Mary?" he asked, the trademark smirk beginning to form on his lips. Rory giggled, and slapped a hand against Tristan's chest.

Maybe a new beginning was just what they needed.

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Just hoping that the next chapter doesn't take as long as this one did...


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